"Aristotle rightly said that, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”
Knowing your own self and understanding what your needs are, is the only way to love yourself unconditionally, and handle yourself even in the most adverse situations. It is important that you ask yourself a few questions before settling down to move into a committed relationship. It becomes much easier when you are clear of what you want, as it helps you to know your partner better, and what to expect from them.
Knowing yourself is one of the basic essentials before entering a committed relationship, as it helps to address your partner’s needs and desires, all the while being able to know about your own. This also helps in times of distress, as you would generally have an idea how you yourself would react in problematic times, and not get baffled with your own reactions, thus getting time to understand your partner and the situation better.
The Red Flags in a Relationship
As for your relationships, there are some very evident points in a relationship, which hint at being sore ones for growth, whereas others might not be as transparent and might need your due attention and consciousness, to realize that it might hurt you in the future.
Knowing them would let you ask for the reason behind their existence, and question their validity as well, so that if there is anything that’s hidden from your plain sight, it is seen by questioned by you, and rationalized before it causes any problem. Or if they do not have a validity, and seem to be out of place, they should be regarded as Red Flags, you should seriously think of whether to continue in that relationship or not.
Even if you follow Vedic Astrology, you would know that it relies greatly on the compatibility two people would have if they were to be bonded in a relationship, and this could be known, if an Astrologer assesses their birth charts. She/he could guide you if there are red flags in the relationship, and whether you should carry on with the relationship, or move out of it.
The sore points, which we count as red flags in a relationship, are very capable of hurting you in future, and ruining a happy relationship you have been trying hard to build. We have enlisted some key relational red flags below that you should look out for, and save yourself from an evident trauma, so that you choose well before taking the plunge.
- When you sense a lack of Communication
This is one of the most common of problems that should be held responsible for creating huge gaps between two people in a relationship. A Some people find it difficult to express what they feel, and deal with adverse situations by giving the ‘silent treatment’. Though for small tiffs, these might work, but when it comes to bigger arguments and life decisions, this kind of a behavior would frustrate and irritate you, as you would be left hanging to deal with situations yourself, a=without their support.
- When they have a controlling and dominating behavior
If your partner makes you do things and deal with situation sin a way you would not want to, with love or even with anger, it means that they are trying to control you and dominate you. Such partners would never want you to follow your heart and live your own life, but just be the commander of the life you live.
They might even use the pretense of love, and that you owe a lot to the one you love, and need to give him/her everything, in order to make you do things they want you to. Just ask yourself whether such a person even deserves to be loved by you? If your answer is yes, proceed at your own risk.
- When there is lack of trust
It is often said that relationships are built on trust. This is true nit just for love, but even with families and friends. Somehow, when in love, the importance trust hold becomes manifold. If your partner does not trust you, or you cannot trust them as they have been caught with many lies, it is better that you try and get out of such a relationship. Because, all that it would give in future is grief, insecurity, unhappiness, and fights.
- When you or they always have a feeling of insecurity
At times, it might happen so that you do not know where your relationship is heading, and where you stand in it. You and your partner do not discuss much on the future of the relationship, and rather avoid doing so as it makes you or him/her anxious, worried, and stressed. This means that you are not very keen on the relationship and are insecure about the way it is shaping up.
The assurances that you might be seeking might only give you momentary stability, and not one that you can hold on to. With such a feeling, it means that you or your partner lack the required stability a relationship demands, and so should give it a deep though before committing.
- When they have a dark past, are secretive, or have cheated on their partners before
This is another sore point that might hamper your future. It is a known that bad habits die hard, and to top it all , if your partner has not resolved their past and come of the trauma, or are still holding some secrets that you are unaware of, these are definite red flags that should be dealt with immediately. Take care to think before you take the leap in such cases.
- When they have an abusive behavior, be it mentally or physically
An abusive relationship is never worth any amount of time, energy, or love, be it anyone. Be it verbal, emotional, psychological, or at the most physical, never go for a partner who does that to you, as deserving to be treated respectfully and with love, is the foremost and basic requirements of a relationship. Once out of such a toxic relationship, promise yourself to never look back and fall prey to another of the same kind.
- When they are still stuck in past relationships
Some people love so hard and break themselves so bad emotionally while being in love, that they are not able to come out of the past. Though they might start anew, they would still not be able to forget the past. What worse could it be then your partner’s ex haunting and clouding your thoughts? It would be sane to walk out or stay away from such relationships, and if your humanity takes the better of you, make them consult a therapist or the like, and you pave you way out for the better.
- When their families or significant friends hate you
It isn’t a lie to believe that your partner’s family needs to like you at least half as much as your partner, and the same goes for his/her friends too. Imagine the mess that could be created if each and every one close to him/her hated you, and you had to deal with it. Better to avoid such drama, and move ahead looking for greener pastures. Seems the right things to do, don’t you think?
- When their behavior is very immature, impractical and unpredictable
A relationship does not just demand love and romance. It also expects both the partners to be equally responsible for things to be done together, taking practical decisions, being responsible, and acting in a mature way. After all, it is a ‘family’ they both have to start and nurture together, which does come with many responsibilities. Therefore, a lack of these signs are definitely red flags.
- They always make send you on a guilt trip every time you fight
Having small fights when being together, is not a big deal if you know how to deal with it. But if your partner is always keen on sending you on a guilt trip remembering things done in the past, then it is surely a sore point in the relationship, as you would always be panicky about how and when they would bring out an age old topic and make you feel guilty for the same.
- They are incapable of accepting their mistakes and apologizing
Realizing one’s fault and owning up is a behavior that talks of a person’s sane mentality and clear thoughts. Finding someone who does just that and you would be sorted for life. In addition, if you feel you are with an exact opposite, you know better what to do as it is a definite red flag.
- They have a very different idea of a relationship that what you think
If you are one of those who wants to fall in love, get married, have babies, and stay happy together, then of course you are one who believes in ‘happily ever after’. If your partner has a very different notion, is only thinking of hook ups, and not keen on getting married, then of course, he/she would be an absolute red flag for you. Know what your partner thinks, and if you both are in sync about what you want from the relationship. If your thoughts differ, it’s better to kick off and start afresh. It is anyways never too late to fall in love.
A red flag is definitely a sign that is at most of the times evident since the beginning or even before that. It is we who fall in love, and become so emotionally vulnerable, that we do not pay a heed to the hints, and think of it to be just a matter that can be passed off. When it comes to matters of the heart and love, pay heed to the subtle signs that could save you from heartbreak and grief later on.
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